An Indian-American educator's and mom's five point formula for happy teenagers

 Photo Courtesy: Deepa Sudhir 

All for one:

Education for our children has come to occupy pole position in our lives. Being a teacher, tutor, mentor and a parent of two teenagers, I do know this much. After years of my interaction with students and my own 10th and 12th graders, I have found five factors that contribute to students' better future. So here is my five-point formula for their splendid future.

1. Parents contribution

Many parents start with great enthusiasm, putting their children in a great private pre-school. But slowly they lose track of their progress when children move to public school.

All of a sudden they are sent to a high school, bombarded with AP classes and other activities to get into a good college. When you compare your child to a neighbor’s children, you despair why your son/daughter can’t do the same. If your neighbor's kids are doing great, that means he/she is spending countless hours helping the child in the right way. If they say that their kids do it all by themselves, that is either a lie or they are great role models. There could even be that 10 per cent chance that they are smart students by nature. So when your kids are not meeting your expectations, just step back and think.

So how can parents help their children. From my experience, the right time to be with your children is from 5th to 8th grade because that is the prime time of their life. They need to be trained on their basic life skills to excel in the near future -- high school. Secondly, they can easily train kids to take responsibility for their actions.We really need to adopt the ideas of Stanford Prof Carol Dweck's “Growth vs Fixed Mindset'' and Sugata Mitra's ''SOLE.''There is a lot to write about these methods in the coming up blogs.

If you are able to mold them in a right way at young age as a self-organized growth mindset champion when they start high school, parents can sit back and enjoy the ride. Trust me, if you are wondering how your neighbor's kid took 12 AP classes in high school and balanced tons of other activities, that is just because that kid is really self-organized and he/she has a growth mindset. And their parents played an important role in that. There may 10 percent exceptions but 90 percent excel because they have the right parents. Do the right things when it is needed, then sit back and relax. High school years is for the kids to train themselves to enter into the adult life. So instead of micromanaging, let them take responsibilities of their actions.

Another simple formula is of six Cs. They are: Character, Concentration, Comprehension, Critical Thinking, Concepts, Confidence and Champions. If children imbibe these then their future is going to be bright.

Introspect

• You also need to ask yourself a few questions, like
• When you ask them to be good readers, are you a good reader? 
• You ask them to respect you, but are you showing them respect? 
• Are you at least showing respect at each other as a dad or mom? 
• Are you showing them how to manage a difficult situation without cursing?
• Are you leading the right lifestyle that having highly paid job and high positions brings in happiness rather sleepless night of work and stress? 
• Are you taking the responsibilities of your actions or putting the blame on your spouse or children? 

2. Teachers can work wonders

I always wanted to ask teachers what they think is their real role while teaching an advanced level class. I know, you are highly qualified and have got special training to teach AP classes. I have been there too. I also took my single subject credential and special training to teach Calculus BC. According to the California Credentials, I am a highly qualified teacher. Having said that I still wonder whether many teachers know what their responsibilities are.

A good teacher can help students if he/she inspires the child using knowledge and passion towards a subject. A teacher should build a solid foundation for AP classes and not scare them away. Try not to waste their precious time by giving them that unproductive, useless, time-consuming project that drain them. This only makes students hate the subject forever.

Another thing to shun is the five-question format testing where only one mistake can pull down the grade. Teachers, please revisit your assignments and teaching style. Don't blame it on the system, I know AP teachers have lots of freedom on how to design the curriculum and teaching structure. Teach them the right way before testing them with the hardest materials. Even the lower level teachers can do a lot by teaching the children the right material so that they can excel in the higher classes.

Great passionate teachers can create that spark in the children. I salute them.

3. Teenager can control the whole situation:

 Study for success:

You have all the tools to be successful in life at your finger-tips. Yes, that phone in your hand with the internet. It is you who choose to use it for good or bad. And may be you don't know what is right or wrong? You better listen to your parents. Even if they appear to be mean, old fashioned. Do you think most of the time they don't get it. You ever wonder why? Here you go...

They are from the other part of the world, where kids used to do only study in their teenage years. Yes, they do have those teenage feelings, but they divided their life period to focused activities. They didn't mix sex with education and actually they don't even received sex education in 6th grade, but still you all are here. So for them, until the age of 22, life is all about studies, then get a job, then marriage and then children. Even with those teenage crushes and stuff like that they tried their best with the limited resources they had. So there is not much multitasking involved. And most of them did great, and the high privileged life you are having now is the proof that they are successful.

They were really underprivileged. They walked many kilometers to school, they got spanked by teachers, they did not have fancy phones or computers.

So start by spending your time wisely. Use all the resources available to you having a broad growth mindset. Yes, you can say you are following your passion. But if you really want to follow your passion, do it after you start earning. Your teenage years are to explore different horizons. Do not shut any door just because you are too lazy to walk through it. Explore different areas of academics in high school itself.

If you put your 100 percent effort in the right way, success is yours for taking. But if still things are not coming to you, it is not your fault. You need to train your mind that nothing is the end of the world. Keep trying. At the end prestigious colleges won't define your success. It is your mindset, skill set, expertise in the field, passion and right partner which will be the defining factors. So do your 100 percent and enjoy the simple things in life.

4.Education system reform

Our education system can easily make students learn right character skills, like organization, time management, setting of priorities and stopping procrastinating. It can help them have better concentration, comprehension and critical thinking. There is a great need to change their fixed mindset to growth mindset. However, the recent common core movement has come as a spanner in the education system. In the name of critical thinking, we are fooling around with some horrible material. Trust me, if they are planning to continue this common core method, we can all face a big failure in generating future scientists and engineers.

Again, we really need to adopt the ideas of Stanford Prof Carol Dweck's “Growth vs Fixed Mindset'' and Sugata Mitra's ''SOLE.'' 

5. Society's steps

We do not live in vast society but a small one which we create around ourselves. It is how we define successes within the community. If you really want to live in a successful society, don't raise your eyebrow next time when someone says their child is going to attend community college/humanity major. Success is not defined by which college they attend or what major they are doing at college or even how many AP classes they attend in high school. For each individual, success is different. For me, success is that I am able to enjoy every moment of my life.And I am the most successful person in my mind.Through this mindset, I create happiness around me. 

And for a successful society, we need to fill it with happy, loving, caring, healthy and stress-free people. So be one of that kind and enjoy every moment of life. Teenagers and parents should enjoy their life together because it is the best time to connect with each other. Children should become more responsible and parents take a break. Then together they can happily work for a bright future. Let’s build successful families and society this way.Let's create happiness around us.A happy society is the most successful society.

(These are my personal views. There is no intention to hurt feelings of anyone.)

Math -Test Analyzing Methods

Math competitions are  major measuring level for us to find out where our kids are standing in terms of critical thinking.The kids who are doing great in math competitions like Olympiad/CML/Math Kangaroo/Math Count etc..are  the strong math students in future. From Algebra 2 ( 9th/10th grade) half way onwards you can see the big difference in strength.From Pre- calculus onwards , all the additional help from outside have it's own limitations. Math has to click genuinely for them.So the intention of this form is to help parents/students to  analyze the situation after the test and do necessary actions to  perform better in future.

Why math is so hard for students?

The major turning point against math that I am seeing with students are at 5th grade and Algebra 2 :

Why???

More than any other subject, lack of skills and confidence in mathematics can destroy a child's confidence and prevent the child from taking advantage of many educational programs and job opportunities down the road. Most of  the time, there is a teaching disability rather than a learning disability. 

 

1. Not the  right way of explanation of concepts :  

From 5th grade onwards the students are introduced to advanced math concepts, and from there the confusion starts. I have to blame it on the bad explanation from the teachers and the lack of motivation from the students . This age is the student's turning point due to their hormone changes.Students faced with  lots of distractions at this age. They need strong parenting and strong role model teachers at this age. So learning hard concepts in math is a challenge.

 

2. Not enough practice : 

Math can only be learned through practice. School work is not enough practice. There, they are running around with different concepts just to meet with the benchmark needs.

 

3. No exposure to advanced problem solving in early years: 

 

Students need to be exposed to advanced thinking and logical problem solving from as early as 3rd grade. Most of the  schools are not doing it. It is beyond the scope of their time. Some schools provides tests like CML/Olympiad e.t.c. but not many teachers are explaining the methods  in class.

So, parents need to provide this exposure for their kids

 

4. Text books with no logical order: 

 

Take a look at any math textbook from 4th grade onwards. They are not at all in a logical order! Just for the sake of review they are filled with easy materials, and kids are not getting enough challenges. This will destroy their motivation to learn. And whenever a hard concept is introduced there is no proper explanation nor enough practice. This will destroy their confidence. With no confidence and no motivation, you can think about the after effect.

 

5. The don't-care attitude of teachers about grades and placements. 

I have seen that teachers are telling students that there is no need to worry about getting C's or D's and it doesn't matter if you placed in the lowest level math class in middle school. At this tender age, teachers need to create high expectations in each child and help them reach there. Instead, to them everything  is okay, which is a really bad attitude. I have to say, teachers who don't want to do their job  are the ones misleading the kids.

It's the same with Algebra 2, especially the Algebra 2 book at high schools. It has tons of materials and teachers are rushing to finish the chapters. Students who are exposed to only direct problems so far are having a tough time even understanding the questions. This is just because they are not used with indirect problem solving . Without that skill, no one can survive in Algebra 2, Pre-Calculus, and just forget about Calculus. So from the early ages, we need to improve their problem solving skills.

With coming up blogs, I will explain the ways to improve and how parents can take control.

What do I do if my kid ends up with a bad teacher?

This is purely my experience in US School system and the things I did to fix it.

First of all, here's my definition of a bad teacher.

1. A teacher that doesn't value education

2. A teacher that doesn't value the roles of parents in each kid's life

3. A teacher that doesn't teach the kids respect, time management, organizational skills, accountability of the work, e.t.c.

4. A teacher that mixes their personal life with teaching

5. A teacher that doesn't know how to teach.

If you end up with any of these type of teachers, these are some things I did with my own kids.

1. Most important - Don't rely on the A's your kid is getting from that class. Those are just F's in the real world. Like I told my son when he was in fourth grade, " I am ok with your B's in Ms. Fleischer's class because I know those are A's in the real world. Ms. Fleischer is the best thing that happened to my son's life. It works the other way also. So please don't think your kids are doing great just because they made it to the honor roll. Our grading system has tons of loop holes.

2. Buy the text books for each level and make them read and practice at home. You don't need to run around for other workbooks/ tutoring center if you have a plan at home with the school text books. Make sure you are checking your kid's work and keeping them challenged and motivated. PLEASE FIND THAT SPECIAL ONE HOUR EACH DAY WITH YOUR KID. Slow down in your life and have that precious moment their life. Listen to your kid and work with him. 

3. Just ignore the teacher. This is the big lesson I learned. We can't do much about it. Our educational system is that complicated! Just today I had an interesting discussion with my Calculus seniors since they are done with the whole school system. According to them, more than half of the teachers don't know or don't care. The system is too bad to have a short term fix. So maybe after your kids grow up you can fight for it. Right now, your own kids are more important for you. Don't waste your time and energy to fix the teacher, and spend it with our own kids instead.

6th grade Math Placement Test - Details

This is for current 6th grade parents around San Jose, California.

In 7th grade there are 2-3 levels for math:

1. Algebra 1 (8th grade level)

2. Pre-Algebra Advanced

3. Pre-Algebra basics.

Advantages of Algebra 1

1. Highly motivated class. Less distraction in class, less discipline problem for the teacher and e.t.c...

2. Learning new material. The other two levels are pure repetitions of 6th grade.

3. High school placement of other subjects are based on the level of your math class.

4. One more AP class in high school will look good in your college application.

Disadvantages

1. If the student is not strong in his/her fractions and integers, they will struggle.

2. The pacing of the Algebra 1 class is faster, so sometimes the student will feel stressed.

3. There is no room for being lazy in that class, so the student always needs to be on top of things.

How does the placement work?

1. Placement test score A and above

2. STAR test scores from 5th grade

3. Current grades/Teacher recommendation

Why don't teachers recommend it?

1. Education is supposed to be fun here (no stress).

2. Everything's ok (even not going to college...)

3. They don't want to deal with what they cover in class or not.

Why I recommend it?

For me, it is not about math. It is about the culture and attitude the students are developing in these challenging classes during these important periods of their life. Being in that less challenging Pre-Algebra class will help the student develop a lazy attitude. They expect their future math classes to be this easy. The students are pushed down to a class with less problem-solving this way, and by the time they reach higher math classes like Pre-Calculus, they will face the lack of critical thinking skills.

Grade(1st- 5th) -Important Plans for summer and beyond

Dear parents,

Summer is around the corner, so I thought of sharing this with you. Even though we say summer is not for studies, a little preparation will not hurt. Beware, some marketing of my center will also be expected!

Entering 1st/2nd grade:

Time to start piano lessons, drawing, sports, dance, music etc. Especially when the kids are moving from private schools to public schools, there will be lots of free time. Use this time to develop interest on other extra curricular activities. These two years are the time to do all the tryouts and it may be a waste of money/time. Still, we need to try in order to figure out. Cut down on TV. Let them dream and direct them on using time on what ever they like. This way, they develop an interest in reading/drawing/writing etc. PLEASE PULL OUT THAT TV'S PLUG.

Academics: Read.read, read. Take them to library or bookstores and read with them. Introduce them to non-fiction books also. Aside from math, all subject knowledge can be developed through reading.

Math: This is the time for developing speed. Kumon is a proven place for developing speed. Stick with Kumon up to the level of Division. I really don't know about other places.

Entering 3rd grade:

This is the time to stop fooling around with multiple activities. You need to figure out which activity your kid enjoys the most and start building on it. This is totally your kid’s choice.

Academics: Time to deeply focus on comprehension skills/problem solving skills.

Math: By this time, kids need to have enough speed to do basic arithmetic problems. Focus more on speed and eventually build unto Division. Time to come out of raw arithmetic like Kumon and start building on word problems. Either spend time with kids by working on problem solving books or send them to Gurukulam(www.Gurukulam.us). Yes that's me. I am proven to turn them around .

English: Start focusing on writing/comprehension/vocabulary/grammar.

HAND WRITING is the important thing in this grade level. Start working on the handwriting. Schools won't care much about it. So please, fix it at home.

Entering 4th grade:

If you did the previous grade level steps correctly, your child has good handwriting, has already picked their area of interest in extra curricular activities, is an avid reader and a good problem solver. Now time to build on it.

Extra curricular: Time to throw away the activities they don't like and even it won't hurt starting couple of new things. Maybe you will see a spark in different areas.

English: Build on writing skills and comprehension skills. Also, build on vocabulary through reading, and focus on grammar and critical reading skills. 

Math: Time to try out more problem solving books like Math Olympiad, CML, and a ton more. Teach them all the tricks with math. Take them to a higher level. Open up their mind with different methods and challenging things. Teach their concepts clearly. This is the year that they are either going to build a passion towards math or not. At 5th grade they are either going to hate math or they are going to love math. The big transition is happening at 4th grade.

You can see the connection between critical reading/comprehension skills in English and problem solving skills in math at this grade level. Kids who are not good at comprehension are not going to do well with math competition problems.

Other subjects: Read, read, read. That's the only way they are going to build interest in history/science etc.

Entering 5th grade:

This is the time all the hormones are kicking in. They may say "no more" often. Try to build the connection with the kids before hand. When I look at my 5th grade students, this is what coming to my mind. They are a group of energetic kids ready to absorb any kind of information given to them. We have to be successful at directing their energy in the right direction. This is their turning point in life. If they are exposed to bad influences from surroundings at this time, that is going to reflect on them all through their life. Handle them with lots of care. They may tend to lie to you in order to look good in front of you. This is the time they are developing their personality also. So even though they act evil, show them that you care. We need to do the reverse engineering. The more they act weird, the less we freak out.

Academically: English and math are a continuation of what they build on. If they are not strong in any of the areas explained in fourth grade, this is your last chance to fix all that. Talk to the kid, find out where they are lacking, and fix it.

I have seen more self-realization in 7th grade kids. But by that time, it's going to be too late to fix the academics. So I am trying to push that to 5th grade before it's too late. In general, kids tend to be in a lazy mode in 5th grade and in 7th grade they want to turn it around. They need lots of help from adults in the right way at this point. So try to build the following foundation before kids enter middle school (6th-8th)

Key points before Middle school

Caring AttitudeTime management /Organization skills
Good peers
Strong problem solving skills/concept knowledge in math
Strong grammar/Critical reading/Comprehension skills
Writings skill/vocabulary building through reading non-fiction books.
Strong connection with parents
Strong interest in the extra curricular activities which they are participating
Strong mind to say no to bad influences
Hobby to replace the TV time

The middle school plan will be followed in the next blog depending on the response to this. If you are reading this blog, try to leave a comment so I will feel motivated. Middle school and high school plans are worth a million, so I am trying to collect all the info from my high school, my kids' schools, and from students. There are lots of different paths kids can follow depending on private school/public school etc. I will compile all that and will put it shortly. Please try to be a follower of this blog if you want updates.

What is Wrong with our educational system?

After hearing a lot of comments from parents about the normal schools they attended back in other countries and how they are doing great now, I feel like putting this in writing. The common argument is that it doesn't matter which school you attend here also.

Yes, you are right in one way that many of us are from medium families and attended normal Government schools and got into good professional colleges and are doing fine. Then what is the deal about public or private schools and pushing the kids or not?

The basic difference between Asian countries and here is that in Asian countries, education is the number one priority in  life, and here it is not. There, it is a community feeling; parents,teachers, relatives, and  neighbors are all thinking on the same line. Here it is mix of education/dating/sex/work etc. There, teachers can't think about wasting one minute of their time. For them, each student is like their own. If our teachers were not there updating on our performance and caring about our future, how many of you would be in these positions right now? If our teachers told us that wasting time is ok, I don't think we would be this successful. Now try to connect our own  teachers with our kids' teachers right now. How many teachers here do you think carry that same caring  nature and even that much knowledge our teachers used to have? That is the big gap in this country. It is not about budget or other stuff. It is about quality of the teacher's heart and knowledge. It is also  the quality of the curriculum. Go around and talk to a parent from private schools/public schools/Saratoga/Cupertino/Evergreen. It all finally goes back to the teacher. It doesn't matter which school public/private, it is all about teacher quality.

I used to sit in classes of 50 students and learn a lot. Why can't the teachers here do it? Just some simple question to each parent out there: 

How many of your kids are not learning much from school? 

If so, what we can do about it ?

For me, I can't change even one teacher's mind about caring. I tried and failed.

I have experience with both sides of the picture as a teacher and parent.

High achieving area (like our neighborhood):

Parents are spending money outside or teaching the kids at home . Some teachers are just taking advantage of it. You really don't know how much these kids are missing in their education. Just one small example: one kid asked his teacher, "Why are you giving out answers and hints for math tests before each test?" The teacher said,"Otherwise you all will be confused about it." Then what's the point of tests??? He is still confused about the fact that his teacher last year didn't give out any answers but the whole class did great. The simple answer to this is that the last year's teacher really cared about teaching and this year's teacher knows how to play the game of making it good in front of the kids and parents. She is the most favorite teacher for many kids since they are all getting good grades and for parents also since they don't feel the pressure of homework, but are the kids learning anything? NOTHING according to me. For the big SAT and AP tests, they need to read the questions, study the formulas and understand the questions. So why can't they train the kids from the smaller grades? Since the teacher has the tenure and some supporters who don't care about education, we can't do any thing about it. She has all the political answers ready with her. 

Please stop whining about the money and more students in the classes e.t.c. If you have a great heart, you can guide these great students in the right way. You can do it! All you need is a white board, basic books, and some papers and pencils for the kids.

So as parents, we can't fix this big problem in front of you. How can you fix the problems at the Capital?

The other Side:

Low income neighborhood. Parents don't care. Students don't care. Half of the teachers don't care. But the Government cares. Tons of money is pumped into improving the performance score as remedial programs for students who messed up with other kids' lives and who didn't let the teachers teach. So there are many opportunities for bad kids to retake the tests. Nothing is going to happen. We're still wasting all our money on teaching the kids/family who don't care about education. First do some counseling and make them care about education and then start teaching them.

So it is really funny to watch both sides of the picture.

Please feel free to shout at me or support me. I am really frustrated with the educational system  where the lazy teachers and the lazy students are the culprits (not the money part).

Raji Menon